that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Randomize
