You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Randomize
