Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
