Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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