Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
