i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
