Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Don't make out with my wife yet
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
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