it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
