Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
