i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
