its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
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