Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
