I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
