o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
