I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Randomize
