Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
