Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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