I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
