So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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