I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
