hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
my poor anus
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
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