first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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