so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Hello my rib-scented angel!
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
