i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
