I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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