How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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