my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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