I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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