is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
