I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
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