1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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