I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
