I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
