Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
false alarm, still single
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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