after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
