Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
