I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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