I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
