Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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