She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
