jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize