You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
