New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Randomize
