Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
