____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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