the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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