shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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