I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
