Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
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