I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
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