I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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