You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
