So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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