First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
