he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
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