planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize