i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
