just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
