If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
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