once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
