first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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