Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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