You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Randomize
