At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Randomize
