Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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