Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
