My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
