i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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