this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
