Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
