i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
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