Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
So gin and wine won't be happening again
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
