My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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