I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
