Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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