Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
