so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
