she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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