Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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