I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
