Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
