saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
