No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
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