She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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