When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
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