Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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