what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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