I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize