Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
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