I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
