just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
