Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Randomize
