i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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