I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Randomize
