It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
